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King Diamond Offers 11th Hour Compromise to End U.S. Debt Crisis
The King Speaking To Reporters At Today's Press Conference Click here for up to the minute updates on King Diamond’s campaign for President. Will he run or not???? Tired of the political bickering...
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King Diamond Rocks Million Metalhead March, Announces Presidential Run
Yesterday, over 1.8 million Metalheads marched on Washington D.C. demanding equal rights, less corruption in government and Hipster Reform. The rally, one of the largest in the nation’s history,...
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Hipster Terrorists Taken Into Custody After Attempted Hijacking Of 70,000...
Hipster Terrorist During The Attack On The Ship In an event that has raised international tensions between hipsters and metalheads, a crew of bearded, shaggy hipsters attempted to set hijack the 70,000...
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Wolverine Like Creature Reviews Carcass “Surgical Steel”
I woke up about two months ago with a wolverine on my porch. I think it was a wolverine. I can’t really tell. It is a horrifying beast that smells like dead otters. When I found it, it looked cute...
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Moshing Towards Bethlehem Or How Eugenics Can Save Heavy Metal
The Falcon Can’t Hear The Falconer (In honor of the holidays, my brother-in-law BlaK Dan (or Zarathustra as he now likes to be called) has emerged from his cave in the mountains of North Georgia to eat...
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Biohazard Forced To Write About Only Specific Parts of Brooklyn
Biohazard assembles at the most dangerous corner in Brooklyn, circa 1989 In the face of ongoing gentrification, Brooklyn-based act Biohazard is now forced to qualify ongoing lyrical references to their...
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